Just to update you on my situ....Recently passed my Sandan. My thanks go to master Dave Sharkey of the EKO for bestowing this upon me.Oh, and I've recently started Ju Jitsu. I find it compliments my wado very well, as well as giving me a "grounding" on ground fighting and grappling. Although I have to say, it is very strange starting from white belt once again. (thats not happened in 14 years!!);)

The other day in class this guy and I were going at it pretty hard. After a couple rounds I noticed he wasn't attacking anymore . I realized he was out of gas. I worked on my attacks and he still labeled me if I left myself open but it felt good to know I had better conditioning.I have also noticed that my quickness has improved. I feel really good about that. It shows that hard work pays off and everyone can get better.The downside of improved quickness is the ability to escape inhibits developing my blocks. I really struggle with the fear of getting hit. I think it's not even so much a fear of pain but a fear of losing. If I don't get hit I haven't lost right? I have to concentrate on holding my ground so I can work on my technique.

Thursday night in Karate class we warmed up with basic kata. To my dismay, I found that not only was I rusty on most beginner katas, I had absolutely no recollection of Hien Yondan. That really opened my eyes to how far I have to go to prepare for my my BB exam.After kata, we sparred. There is one Purple belt in the class. I admit, I may have had some animosity toward him because he dissed me once, and I admit I might have been a little afraid to let a Purple belt make me look bad, but after watching the superb control of a BB in his drills, I realized I had no excuse for hitting Mr Purple belt in the face. Which is what I did. Hard.I was embarrassed. He was pissed. He glared at me as I walked by and I knew he would be gunning for me. Sure enough, in the next drill we faced each other again. I hurled myself against him repeatedly, like a bee against glass and after a few moments he hit me in the face. My first thought was "Ok now we're even". I kept attacking. I was exhausted by the time the instructor called my next opponent. My heart sank when I saw it was the BB and I signaled for a break to catch my breath. My mind immediately screamed "What are you doing?! This is just like a real fight. There are no breaks!" and I resumed the drill. Any insights I may have gleaned observing his previous rounds were lost in the haze of adrenaline and fear. He owned me from the beginning. Thank goodness he maintained more control than I showed Mr Purple belt. Midway through the round I became aware that I was experiencing all the old, uncomfortable, sensations I had felt in the few street fights of my youth. That queasy, breathless, fear and adrenaline. I embraced it. I had two more rounds to finish the drill. I didn't let myself quit.Afterward, I felt really good about the drill. I had actively participated and I realized my ambivalence toward sparring is not from any lack of ability but from the discomfort caused by fear. Quite a revelation.

After a much too long break, due to illness, vacation and apathy I returned to class. In a sparring drill I partnered up with a kid much smaller than I am but he has a brown belt, so I figured "what the heck". His body language suggested he did not want to be sparring me so I resolved to take it easy on him. So much for judging by appearances. He charged out after me and didn't let up. He pushed me to aerobic failure and I stopped to take a break. The drill ended moments later and I realized I had squandered a great opportunity to work under stressed conditions. I mean after all, will an attacker on the street wait for me to catch my breath? Of course not. I blew the opportunity to push against my aerobic limit. I also squandered the opportunity to work with psychological fear. Fear of puking, fear of not performing well and fear of getting hit. I realized it immediately but the drill was over. I often forget that although I may go to class regularly, each moment on the floor lasts only for that moment. The next week when I felt myself running out of gas again, I said, "wait wait, use this, work with it". I felt much better about things. After I caught my breath ;-)

I started learning wado ryu in 1993, took occasional time off in high school, four years for college, life, work, etc... So, it's been a long time coming, but after a grueling exam Saturday I was promoted to black belt! Yay! :)(I'm the gal in the middle)

At long last, I'm actualizing my plans of returning to training. I quit training after slightly more than 3 years in 2004 and since then fortune has thrown me a few curve-balls. But it looks like I should now be able to get back into training - different state, different dojo but same organization. Wow... 4 years. I've grown fat and tight and started smoking again. I've forgotten quite a bit and will most likely be unable to do half of the things I actually do remember. But regardless - I'm anxious and a bit nervous. I remember how tough it was for the first several months. Sore muscles I didn't even know I had, blisters on top of blisters, exhaustion to the point of nausea, lungs wanting to jump out of my chest. Ahh... the good old days.I'm just now getting over a cold I managed to pick up last week, so today I'm just going to observe. Make sure this dojo acts the way I've come to expect from an SKA dojo. And if everything goes well, I'll start training again this coming Thursday.